tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post6457820318355779491..comments2024-03-28T18:05:05.267+02:00Comments on Life in Israel: Shalachmanos peer pressureRafi G.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00699851287106903971noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-35584642942169238632009-03-05T08:44:00.000+02:002009-03-05T08:44:00.000+02:00This was a great post!This was a great post!Neil Harrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12797772082427806345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-35432122517111944632009-03-05T02:23:00.000+02:002009-03-05T02:23:00.000+02:00Rafi, check out Rav Ovadia and company's latest an...Rafi, check out Rav Ovadia and company's <A HREF="http://ladaat.net/article.php?do=viewarticle&articleid=4477" REL="nofollow">latest announcement</A> on this.yaakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08179304707239865515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-56907829393965778682009-03-05T01:52:00.000+02:002009-03-05T01:52:00.000+02:00Firstly Rafi G, thanks for bringing this up (and o...Firstly Rafi G, thanks for bringing this up (and of course for linking to my eye-witness account). <BR/><BR/>Regarding the last two anonymous comments, there is actually a <A HREF="http://www.protekzia.com/mishloach-manos-madness.html" REL="nofollow">rabbinic precedent for rolling back mitzvos</A> in cases where spending is getting out of hand. I think this is a very good candidate for such a ruling. Click the link to see examples from Mishna and Shulchan Aruch. <BR/><BR/>In that article, I also suggest that the modern day madness does more to drive people apart in competition than bring people close together, as per the original intent. <BR/><BR/>Warmly,<BR/><BR/>SimonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-4690065102119353172009-03-05T00:26:00.000+02:002009-03-05T00:26:00.000+02:00maybe I am just not imagining whole buildings of f...maybe I am just not imagining whole buildings of full frum people! For homemade foods, depending on what you make, it can also be work even it's inexpensive.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-2128371095044595102009-03-04T23:43:00.000+02:002009-03-04T23:43:00.000+02:00I hear you, but it is not just an issue of fancy. ...I hear you, but it is not just an issue of fancy. If I have to give all 15 families in my building, just because we live in the same building and I dont want to insult anyone even if I am not particularly friends with all of them, plus at least half of each of the buildings on either side of mine, even with cheap shalachmanos that is becoming a very large expense. And then add to that the friends I want to give to outside of my building.<BR/><BR/>So we get together and say we know we all want to give each other but understand the expense is too great so everybody give just one within the building.<BR/><BR/>Of course if I am so friendly with a neighbor that I want to give them anyways, I could, but I dont have to give all the neighbors I am just acquaintances with.Rafi G.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00699851287106903971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-10453519949171569382009-03-04T23:22:00.000+02:002009-03-04T23:22:00.000+02:00Also the spirit of everyone deciding not to give t...Also the spirit of everyone deciding not to give the other in the group - in one way, it's a group decision, so no one will feel bad for not getting mishloach manos, but otoh isn't that a decision not to create extra good between people who'd otherwise give each other? Is it really the spirit of purim to say, nope I am bdavka not doing it, and you don't do it either, and we'll stil have good will?<BR/><BR/>Of course when there is real poverty, going cheap may not do the trick, but short of that, isn't it better to give inexpensive mishloach manos than to decide to forgo? what is wrong with giving inexpensive mishloach manos - why not resist the pressure to give fancy mishloach manos rather than pressure to give altogether? And if it must be fancy, bake or cook something which lands up less expensive, but is personal, shows effort or whatever.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-37189295799807381752009-03-04T23:14:00.000+02:002009-03-04T23:14:00.000+02:00The only part of this that I'm not sure about is w...The only part of this that I'm not sure about is when people get together to decide to limit mishloach manos. As in the example of the buildings that do this. Or in one case I know of, a group in kollel decided to all not give each other. This bothers me because it's a group deciding to get together to limit doing a mitzva. maybe it's necessary, but it strikes me as strange to decide to not do a mitzva and tell others not to do it. But maybe it's just too expensive, or for homemade too much work, and of course it's not obligatory to give everyone you know. i usually give homemmade which is not too expensive even if I throw in a bottle of beer or liquor or whatever. I've gotten two salads, kugels, a roll and a challah, etc Two salads, like cucumber and carrot salad, is not a big deal to bang out with a food processor or expensive and yet it fulfills mishloach manos, so I'd vote for doing something like that over deciding to announce no mishloach manos in a particular group. I agree the pressure is too much, but am just uneasy with collaborative decisions to tell people to forgo the mitzva. Is it really so out of hand that we must do that?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-81511517002344125352009-03-04T21:02:00.000+02:002009-03-04T21:02:00.000+02:00happyduck: Lucky for you i and u are right next to...happyduck: Lucky for you i and u are right next to each other on the keyboard and most people got it from context. ;)<BR/><BR/>a freiliche purim!Commenter Abbihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07753256568022159103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-37895053858449525172009-03-04T20:51:00.000+02:002009-03-04T20:51:00.000+02:00oh my gosh. can I edit a comment?????oh my gosh. <BR/>can I edit a comment?????happyduck1979https://www.blogger.com/profile/16245267287433042922noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-75681546139699473472009-03-04T14:24:00.000+02:002009-03-04T14:24:00.000+02:00When someone comes to my house with a SM package (...When someone comes to my house with a SM package (and they're not on my list to give), I tell them that we haven't made all the rounds yet (which is usually true anyway), and then I package some stuff for them and drop it off by them later. This way no one feels that they gave me and I didn't give them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-85696376346870862792009-03-04T07:01:00.000+02:002009-03-04T07:01:00.000+02:00My favorite was an ad on the back of Mishpacha mag...My favorite was an ad on the back of Mishpacha magazine for super fancy mishloach manot from a bobov kollel (the highest priced ones were $186. They must really be dreaming!!) But that wasn't the funniest part. There was a phone number to order... and a website! Guess even sinners who use the internet can make up for it by order mm from them.Commenter Abbihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07753256568022159103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-78630414780132334622009-03-04T02:27:00.000+02:002009-03-04T02:27:00.000+02:00Rafi - that is what our building does too. This ye...Rafi - that is what our building does too. This year we got the name of a very frum couple, the kind that I really don't think they'd ever trust themselves to eat anything from me no matter how double, triple pre-packaged, straight outta the best hechshered place it is. Any advice?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-8912207341182915472009-03-03T21:29:00.000+02:002009-03-03T21:29:00.000+02:00It's similar to not tipping counselorsin camp.It's...It's similar to not tipping counselors<BR/>in camp.<BR/>It's expected, and if withheld causes the counselor to think the parents weren't satisfied/discourages service above and beyond.<BR/><BR/>Former StaffAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-38168654251102310112009-03-03T15:04:00.000+02:002009-03-03T15:04:00.000+02:00I don't understand the whole part about bribing th...I don't understand the whole part about bribing the rebbes. <BR/>Are you concerned that your children get chinuch from someone who would give them less attention if their parents did not send a misloach manot? Isn't it their job, the one they get paid for, to give chinuch to each and every child they have in their class.<BR/>I am not saying it does not happen. It just seems like everyone participates as though it is the right way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-74327261817849219902009-03-03T14:14:00.000+02:002009-03-03T14:14:00.000+02:00with you all the way Rafi, excellent post.We're re...with you all the way Rafi, excellent post.<BR/>We're really into the Lemaan Achai Purim cards, but were surprised last year, when people started to bring them attached to their MM basket or a bottle of wine - kind of defeats the point.<BR/>While we also try to avoid the nasty nash, one of the problems with home baked food is that people can be very concerned about kashrus and not want to eat something without a particular hechsher printed on it. <BR/>Even using fruit can be problematic at this time of year, unless you write long explanations of what everything is!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-10754681322929284772009-03-03T14:02:00.000+02:002009-03-03T14:02:00.000+02:00happyduck1979:Of the three types of people on your...happyduck1979:<BR/>Of the three types of people on your list of "people who are otherwise forgotten by the community", I'm not sure if my community has type no. 1 on your list. :)BlackBeltStephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10449874015115985110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-14830115250786176242009-03-03T12:37:00.000+02:002009-03-03T12:37:00.000+02:00we give out a fair number, because we use it as a)...we give out a fair number, because we use it as a) family time, and b) tiime ot catch up because we make sure that the vast majority are given, in person, with some time to shmooze. <BR/><BR/>Purim is our favourite holiday and we really enjoy putting them together and doing it together as a family. <BR/><BR/>On the other hand, the thought of spending 100s on any one mm is insanity to me! In Toronto we were known for having cute, fun mm, that people always remembered, and I do not tihnk we ever spend more than $3 a piece (and generally less). Here ours this year are shaping up to be adorable and are under 10 nis a piece (actually most are under 8). There is a fair bit of time put into each though.<BR/><BR/>We do a bunch of tzedakah cards to people we would be able to make it to in person.<BR/><BR/>For us the pairing works. Most of the money goes to the tzedakah cards, most of the fun/personal time goes into the smaller mm that add to our simcha on/pertaining to the chag.<BR/><BR/>In Toronto at least, we also made it a point ot keep people who are otherwise forgotten by the community on our list. Shit ins. Those with no family. Those new to town.happyduck1979https://www.blogger.com/profile/16245267287433042922noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-75512880161672399082009-03-03T12:31:00.000+02:002009-03-03T12:31:00.000+02:00My children's schools all collect money from each ...My children's schools all collect money from each child and give each Rebbe/teacher 1 shalach manos from the whole class. It could be that some people give separately as well, but we don't. my kids are allowed to give out 4 or 5 each to their friends, and we keep them pretty minimal. this year they want to do different themed ones each, but we haven't started the actual negotiations yet! I insist that they include real food as well as something sweet.Mrs. Belogskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07488499043852874012noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-82051197895756004012009-03-03T12:01:00.000+02:002009-03-03T12:01:00.000+02:00we were always told $100 is expected, but we never...we were always told $100 is expected, but we never gave it. we have 7 kids with multiple rebbes and teachers, and there is no way we could afford that!<BR/><BR/>we give the main rebbes a nice sefer. the sefer is usually worth in the range of 100-150nis.<BR/><BR/>the kids are used to giving only 2-3 shalachmanos each. That is what we have been doing for years and before purim they have to think about who they want to give, and make a list. They are fine with it.Rafi G.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00699851287106903971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-89108668831429979342009-03-03T11:53:00.000+02:002009-03-03T11:53:00.000+02:00Curious how your kids feel about giving 2 mishlach...Curious how your kids feel about giving 2 mishlach manos each. Seems rather hard on them. <BR/><BR/>We try to restrict each mishlach manos from kids to 4nis (amazing how thrifty they can be when it suits them); and let them give out 5 each - 20nis and even then they kvetch that plony is giving to the entire class . . .<BR/><BR/>Mishlach manos from you to neighbors/friends don't need to be expensive - homemade is definitely the best - except one someone gives a few bits of mushed up cake.<BR/><BR/>Rebbes are the big expense. I'm curious how much is the norm these days. Last year we gave 100nis to some and 50nis to others (depending on how hard a year the Rebbi had with each kid!), but am now hearing that under $100 is like nothing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-38451610699520609562009-03-03T10:52:00.000+02:002009-03-03T10:52:00.000+02:00oh you didnt get it? hmm, someone must have eaten...oh you didnt get it? hmm, someone must have eaten it on the way over... darn kids... :-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-22357515349400100672009-03-03T10:00:00.000+02:002009-03-03T10:00:00.000+02:00whats - Ahem. and why did we not get shalachmanos ...whats - Ahem. and why did we not get shalachmanos from you?<BR/><BR/>the word is really two words - mishloach manot. it is said in the vernacular as one slurred word - shalachmanosRafi G.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00699851287106903971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-32892496266250075852009-03-03T09:49:00.000+02:002009-03-03T09:49:00.000+02:00If you want to let people know that you are thinki...If you want to let people know that you are thinking of them on Purim,<BR/>send them a Lemaan Achai Purim card instead and limit your Mishloach Manos to 1,2, or 3 families.<BR/>They don't need more candy. People who are really in need will benefit from the money you give to lemaan achai, and you will save a whole lot time.<BR/><BR/>Also, in the mishloach manos that you do send, if you can make it non-junk food it is more appreciated and can end up cheaper. E.g. make a pot of something (noodles, salad, soup etc.) put it in small containers. Give rolls, bagels, or challas.<BR/><BR/>Please, if you must drive on Purim do it carefully, there are plenty of under-supervised children running around the streets.<BR/><BR/>Happy Purim.<BR/>Leyhudim hay'sa ora vesimcha vesasson vikar --- ken tihye lanuAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-23046060752376508472009-03-03T09:22:00.000+02:002009-03-03T09:22:00.000+02:00I second this post.Ari EnkinI second this post.<BR/><BR/>Ari EnkinAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20257999.post-40531371977933481372009-03-03T09:20:00.000+02:002009-03-03T09:20:00.000+02:00now i know why we dont get shalach monas from you!...now i know why we dont get shalach monas from you!<BR/>i think shalachmanos should be two words... but if you feel peer pressure to write as one word, i wont protest.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com