Eicha. Kinnos. More Kinnos. And More Kinnos. Sitting on the floor. Sleeping on the floor. Back pain. Tush pain from sitting uncomfortably. The discomfort of the heat combined with the hunger with the lack of washing.
Tisha B'Av is not an easy day. Not even in a way similar to other fast days.
No matter how many shiurim and drashos one hears on the topic, no matter how many books on the subject one reads, it is still difficult to relate to the loss, that happened so long ago, of the Beis HaMikdash with a real sense of mourning.
Let's be honest - our lives are good, for the most part. Yes, we each have our pekelah. Illness, poverty, problems with kids, etc. But overall, our lives are good, especially compared to how people used to live. We live in relative comfort and wealth. We have the advantages of technology and modern medicine benefiting our daily lives.
No matter how much we, or at least I, hear and read about how horrible the churban was, and how much we are missing today by not having the beis hamikdash, it is still difficult to mourn the loss. Our lives are pretty good.
Intellectually I know. I hear the shiurim, I read the books, I pine for the Mikdash.
Yet it is still difficult to mourn. It is still difficult to relate to Tisha B'Av as anything more than an uncomfortable day, even a nuisance. No matter how much I know about it, there is still a disconnect - intellectually I know, but it is still difficult to relate to it as a realistic and familiar loss that engenders an emotional mourning.
Despite the "disconnect" and lack of any real emotional mourning, there is still a sense of solemnity coming into Tisha B'Av. The sad tunes, the dim lighting, the lack of greeting friends. While difficult to mourn, the sense of loss is in the air.
Perhaps, if the outer trappings of mourning don't actually cause us to mourn, at least they remind us of what we should be feeling and make us just uncomfortable enough to recognize that we don't mourn something we should, and that is sad too.
Tisha B'Av is not an easy day.
Then again, it was not meant to be an easy day.
I just returned from Shacharis/Kinnos/Mincha at Shivtei Yeshurun.
ReplyDeleteRabbi Haber gave an amazing explanation to the kinnos as well as an introduction to the whole reason as to our availos.
His presentation is clear, informative and a pleasure to listen to. My kinnos took on a whole new meaning.
We are fortunate to have such a great talmid chochum in our city who is humble, wise and down to earth.
those presentations and shiurim are great, and they add to our intellectual knowledge of what it was like and what we are missing... but I never really felt like I really felt the loss, even after hearing all the shiurim.
ReplyDeleteit was pointed out in a shiur that I heard this year, that there is an opinion
ReplyDelete(rashi succah 25a) that aveilut is not so much about feeling the pain of loss but rather showing kavod to the person who passed away. (obviously it does happen, unfortunately, that one may be required to mourn for someone who you may not feel particularly fond of)
May we merit that next 9 Av will be a festive day and you will no longer have this difficulty. If we are not, then come with me to Moshav Matityahu to hear Rabbi Zev Leff.
ReplyDelete