An ultra-Orthodox haredi couple which could not bear children for almost three years was offered a surprising solution recently. The two consulted Rabbi Daniel Zar, who promised them that if the woman removed her wig and replaced her head covering, she would be able to conceive a child within two months.and on that note, my wife recently went to an event where 40 women got together to take challah, each making the bracha with everyone else saying "amen" together in rotation, for the merit of a neighbor who has been married 11 years with no children.
The husband told the Yedioth Jerusalem weekly that after two and a half years of marriage, his wife confided with a woman she met on the street, who told her that her failure to conceive might be caused by her "immodest" wig.
"Naturally, my wife wouldn't hear about it," the husband said. "As far as she was concerned, the wig issue was very important. But after that woman suggested that she raise the issue with the rabbi, my wife agreed. And indeed, the rabbi promised her that if she would remove the wig, she would get pregnant within two months.
"After she told me about it, I was very angry with him and couldn't understand how he could make such promises, but shortly after she removed the wig, my wife was pregnant. We were very surprised."
The husband said he had heard of such incidents in the past, but was convinced that they were made up. "The wig costs us more than $3,000 and was relatively immodest compared to regular wigs," he explained. "Even non-religious relatives told us that the wig was nicer than regular hair. Now we plan on donating it to cancer patients, who really needs it."
Following the incident, the woman's sisters-in-law decided to remove their wigs as well.
A haredi element with ties to senior rabbis' courtyards noted that such stories were a matter of routine. According to the source, many couples were blessed with children after accepting the advice of Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky, which included using a generator on Shabbat and growing a beard.
At this event, my wife told me a woman was there who started speaking about tzniyus and that woman should replace their sheitels with tichels and they will merit much blessing, and children and success, etc.
She then handed out 2 papers for the women. One was a committment for them to sign that they will improve their level of tzniyus by taking certain steps delineated in the form (they could check off which they wanted to commit to).
The second was a 4 page brochure, of which I only scanned two pages because the text is very small and hard to read anyways, which has stories of anonymous women (some with phone numbers for you to confirm the story) who merited success, either in getting pregnant, parnassa, health issues, or other problems, simply by removing the wig for a tichel. The paper also tries to convince women to start wearing the "shal" and promises great reward, also with a number of stories confirming the success of such a promise...
It would be so much easier to just donate to Kupat Ha'ir
ReplyDeleteor sign up with a horaat keva to KST for a good year
If i understand this correctly, Rav Kanievsky's advice is to:
ReplyDelete1 - stop wearing wigs
2 - use a generator on Shabbat
3 - growing a beard
Until your wife grows a beard is she able to tie her wig to her chin?
What are they going to be calling this new religion they're creating?
ReplyDeleteWhat is the "shal"?
ReplyDeleteit is a type of a shawl but more so. this usually also goes over the head (but doesnt cover the face)
ReplyDeleteI never understood how wearing a wig that costs thousands of dollars and is much more attractive than one's own hair is modest. I just don't get it. We aren't supposed to bring attention to ourselves. Isn't it like wearing falsies bigger than your own breasts to cover your breasts?
ReplyDeleteobviously no matter what you wear anywghere on your body it is meant to be modest. the thing is that modesty is relative. what you consider modest someone else might consider immodest, and what someone else considers modest you might consider immodest.
ReplyDeleteThe reason for the wig is not to be modest, but to cover erva. It obviously should be done in an appropriate manner with a modest wig, but again, the wearer of the wig is going to determine what she (and her husband and rav, mentor, etc) consider to be modest.
another thought - these people who are on the crusade to ban wigs and use the claim about immodest wigs are a bit disingenuous - they are against all wigs. Even if you have a modest wig they want you to stop wearing it and switch to a tichel. They just use the claim of immodest wigs that look nicer than hair because people can accept that as a reasonable claim.
And to add to what I wrote above about it being relative, an example is that Lubavitch holds women have to wear wigs and tichels are immodest because they dont usually cover the hair completely.
Snoods and scarves which cover the hair are more modest than the Israeli style of tying the scarve which expose the bottom and sides of your hair.
ReplyDeleteWigs make the woman more attractive. PERIOD.
Our imahot did not wear wigs. They probably had cloth covering of their hair. Their Egyptian counterparts wore wigs and were mostly naked on the rest of their bodies.
The "shal" is like a Mexican bolero, which many Charedi women here wear, as another protective layer over their already tznius clothing. However if they wear a "shal" and don't cover their hair properly, it defeats the purpose of tzniut.
First off, thank you Rafi for the interesting and eclectic blog.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what disturbs me more: 1) the nonstop relentless obsession with tzniut, 2) the belief in nonsensical segulas and superstitions, or 3) the manipulative nature of people who put out these notices, who exploit people's naive belief in segulas and superstition in order to forward their own political-religious agenda.
How about putting out a notice that preaches a little reasonability and intelligence, like maybe...
"Forget all the metaphysics and reward mumbo jumbo. Covering hair is a minhag Yisrael, and zehu! You do it or you don't, but it's nothing to spend your life thinking about or judging other people for."
The only way removing a wig might improve your chances of getting pregnant is if it's a merkin.
ReplyDeleteI seem to remember reading this story on Rosh HaShanah.
ReplyDeleteThere was a woman named Channah who was having trouble having children. She went to the Beit HaMikdash and was chastized by the Cohen GaDol. The psukim don't say it but it must mean she wasn't dressing as Tziusly as her husband's other wife. She took the Mussar and gave birth to Shumuel HaNavi a year later.
For every story about attributing a particular segulah to a specific pregnancy there are by far more cases of people who try them, they don't work and are left in despair. Those are boring stories so they never make headlines.
I thought you had to take your clothes OFF to increase your chances of getting pregnant! Dur!
ReplyDeletenot if you have a beard....
ReplyDeleteIt's very nice that these women can remove their wigs and replace them with tichels.
ReplyDeleteBut these are Israeli women.... try doing that in the diaspora, and going to work in an office or shop, wearing a tichel.....
First of all you will be told not to come to work like that.
Secondly, you will feel totally self conscious, and other people will think you must be a muslim or have just had chemotherapy.
Modest or immodest, it's all a matter of opinion. For some women, wigs are a necessary part of their working life.
Devorsh,
ReplyDeleteYou are only as self conscious as you allow yourself to be. When I got married, my wife wasn't comfortable yet covering her hair. Now she covers it full time. We agreed though that shaitels were out. She wears hats and tichels everywhere. there have been many smachot where she was the ONLY woman that was obviously covering her hair. EVERY other woman either was uncovered or shaiteled. We made a decision and stuck with it. Like any other decision in life that others don't do.
oh yeah, I forgo tto mention, I come from a right wing black hat yeshivah and live in Chicago, where the bulk of the people have moved to the right and at least pretend to be such frummies.
ReplyDeleteI am a little confused. Are women not supposed to shower? Or are the supposed to shower with their stockings on?
ReplyDeleteMike S,
ReplyDeleteFrom what I heard if a woman signs up to donate to Kupa with a horaat keva she won't need to shower for a year .
Someone asked why there is so much emphasis on Tzniu't. The answer is simple: All the rabbis regularly castigate women for Tzniut alone (with some kashrut and niddah to spice things up...). Nobody is actually teaching these women any halacha. Even the Kitzur is filled with halachot - but nobody is teaching them. The lectures are all about "feelings" with no halachic guidelines: tzniut in halacha includes a.b.c. etc. So, when a "halacha" is included in the lectures, women immediately do it as they aren't taught much else, they are certainly not taught to open a book and learn halacha from the sources. In such an environment, Hashem takes pity on these women, who truly wish to do D'var Shamayim, and are doing what their leaders tell them - and Hashem blesses them, for their true Emunah. To repeat - it's not b/c of the change of wig - it's b/c these women are doing it out of love of Hashem and their wish to follow Hashem's wishes. And therefore Hashem blesses them.
ReplyDeletevery interesting thought. thanks, anonymous
ReplyDeleteTo Moriah, and Anonymous
ReplyDeleteOur "imahot" of the recent generations most definitely did wear wigs. If that is your mesorah, and you do it in a modest way, it is the correct thing to do. There is nothing wrong with a woman looking attractive, and those who think there is, should go live in Muslim societies- not Jewish ones. In Jewish society, the problem is a woman attracting attention, not looking attractive. And if you have an issue with differentiating, go talk to your local Orthodox Rabbi, or mentor. Do not impose your chumros on the rest of us!
i just love these stories...what they fail to mention or overlook intentionally, are the overwhelming majority of women who get pregnant! in fact, most women in the world get pregnant all the time without any problems whatsoever!!! be they religious, non religious, righteous or not, nice people or some of the biggest jerks in the world....
ReplyDelete