Here is an interesting story being reported in Bechadrei. I personally find the second half of the story more interesting and educational than the first half, but others might think differently.
The story being reported is that Rav Shteinman was approached about a year ago by an avreich looking for a bracha for children. He said that he has been married a number of years already and has not yet merited having children. Rav Shteinman comforted him saying he "should not worry about it, BEH you will have a son and I will be the sandek at the bris".
The time flew by and last Wednesday was the new baby's bris, just a year after Rav Shteinman's bracha/promise. When the baby was born, the grandfather, a known askan, went to tell Rav Shteinman, and to invite him to be sandek at the bris. Rav Shteinman agreed to be sandek only after he ensured with 100% confidence that neither he nor the other grandfather wanted to be sandek and that they are mochel on the honor.
Even when the grandfather assured him he was mochel and it would be ok, Rav Shteinman said that he could only be mochel for himself and not for the other grandfather.
It seems obvious that especially on such a situation where he had given the bracha, besides for the fact that he is one of the gedolim and it would generally be considered an honor to have him as a sandek, one could assume mechila. Yet Rav Shteinman was very careful that he did not want to take from someone else what they might consider theirs or coming to them. One must be very careful from impinging on other people's belongings or feelings, even when you might be making a safe assumption.
Real Mussar -- Rav Yisrael Salanter style!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why it's so obvious.
ReplyDeleteThe role of sandek is traditionally given, or at least offered first, to the grandfather (if available). No one can "call dibs" on it, even through giving a bracha.
Furthermore, Rav Shteinman has at least hundreds, and probably thousands of talmidim. The grandfathers have a limited number of opportunities to be a sandek. (If the Rav Shteinman was really responsible for the birth, then there may not even be another bris; if the couple does have another child, it would cast doubt on Rav Shteinman role, thereby reducing the number of shutafim in this birth back to three.)
Moreover, halachically, Rav Shteinman's doesn't seem to have a legitimate claim to sandaka'ut, since his t'nai was probably not valid, as it doesn't seem to meet the standards of a t'nai bnei gad uvnei re'uven.
On the other hand, this story does seem to meet the minimum requirements for chareidi deification of talmidei chachamim.
to me it seems obvious that they would have given him the honor and be mochel the kavod if asked.
ReplyDeleteBTW, he didnt make a tnai. Saying "I'll be your sandek" isnt a tnai, and he did not try to activate it as such (in the story as reported), rather it was said as a way to calm him down as part of the promise. He was offered the sandekaus, he did not demand it. when he was offered it he said both grandfathers need to be asked, and mechila cannot be assumed.
deification might be in the first half, the promise/bracha itself, but I dont see deification in this story.
yoni - If the Rav Shteinman was really responsible for the birth
ReplyDeleteI don't understand this statement. There is only ONE way that Rav Shteinman could be "really responsible" for the birth!