My Personal Blog Vidui

I have not been good at certain online things. One is the pre-holiday wishes, and the second is pre-holiday requests for or giving of forgiveness.

I always tend to think, as I try to write them, that the wishes and forgiveness almost ring hollow. The wishes become sort of a contest over who can write the more flowery set of wishes and blessings, or maybe I should put it that I always think what I wrote isn't good enough and I can give more of a blessing. And the pre-Kippur forgiveness posts seem to always presume forgiveness and also tend to ring hollow.

Both of them kind of like always feel to me as if it is just going through the motions, writing something that is almost expected of me, which I never like to do. And therefore I usually don't do it.

So instead, I am going to offer my personal vidui. Yom Kippur is the day of the ultimate confessionals, as we say not just the Ashamnu, but also the Al Cheit, so here is my blog vidui.

At times, probably many times, I could have, should have, been better. I should have been more careful with how I chose my words when writing posts (or tweets, or Facebook status updates or whatever else there is). Perhaps choosing speed over more careful wording caused someone to feel bad, hurt somebody, made somebody upset or even made somebody think I was upset or attacking when i was not. I know that as blog owner, while it is just a blog, a place of personal thoughts being shared with whomever wishes to read, I still have a responsibility to be clear, to get my point across better, to do it in a way that makes the point without, usually unintentionally I think and hope, hurting others. And perhaps I was not good enough at that.

I could have moderated the comments better, more carefully. Sometimes people get personal in the comments and attack others who disagree with the. To a certain extent I expect that responsible adults having conversation would be above personal attacks and can argue and respect other people's opinions even while disagreeing, or else try to be more persuasive. For the most part it is true, and people are usually pretty good. However, at times, perhaps on more sensitive topics (and for each person a different topic is the sensitive one that sets him or her off), comments, especially when anonymous commenting is allowed, can get a bit (and sometimes very) nasty.

As blog owner, I bear a certain responsibility in that regard. My thoughts, and really my goals here, are always to allow, and facilitate, the free flow of thoughts. I give myself a voice (I am a quiet guy in the real world, the offline world, rarely voicing my opinions and thoughts) with this blog, but I also strive to give other people a voice, a place to share their thoughts and frustrations, whether it might be in the comments or via guest posts. While this blog deals with issues far broader than just local community issues, it is a fact that the community issues are a large part of this blog. Giving people that voice, that place to discuss issues that doesn't exist elsewhere, is a testament to the concept of allowing the free flow of ideas. The more one moderates, the less free flowing the conversation is. So, at times, I don't moderate enough, because the free flow of ideas and conversation is always a higher goal by me, and because of it I sometimes overlook things that should not be overlooked, such as hurtful comments or personal attacks. I try to be careful with that, but more often than not I let it slide if "it's not too bad" or if it is enveloped by otherwise thoughtful discussion. As blog owner perhaps that is my greatest sin, but it is also the most difficult task. At times I choose correctly, and at times I make the wrong choice. I am only human and make the wrong decisions at times, but it is my responsibility to try and do better.

I don't think asking forgiveness here is useful. Maybe some people who were hurt no longer read this blog and will not see my request. Some people I might not even know about as they are anonymous. Others, were possibly attacked, by me or in the comments, without knowing it. So, while I hope everyone forgives me for my sins against them, I don't see the purpose in asking that here. That just seems haughty, and it also seems, to me, to presume forgiveness. I have no forgiveness to offer, as anybody who takes a few minutes to read my ramblings, and especially the people who take the extra time out to comment, has already given me the greatest honor and has nothing to ask forgiveness for.

I do wish everyone a good year, and that your prayers over Yom Kippur and the coming holidays, each person in whatever they are praying for, are answered positively.