OMFWOW (Orthodox Men For Women of the Wall)

I got really tired of the monthly fights about Women of the Wall and the davening by the Kotel. I found the entire issue distasteful and distracting, and began to block it out completely. Still not interested in reading anything about those fights, I did find this piece by David Bar-Cohn to be intriguing and thoughtful...

A guest post by David Bar-Cohn

I’ve been thinking about this morning’s Rosh Chodesh prayers at the Western Wall, which were no doubt made more “lively” (to put it euphemistically) due to protests against the Women of the Wall.

I for one was not among the protesters. In fact if I were at the Kotel I’d sooner have been part of the counter-protest, holding up my own sign: “Do we really want to antagonize a bunch of women praying?” Okay, I admit that’s not so catchy. How about: “Chill out – they’re just davening!”

Now, I know what many people are thinking: No, they’re not “just davening”. They’re at the Kotel because they have a political agenda. Yes, you’re absolutely right. It’s clear there’s an agenda. But I would say this:

1) Having an agenda isn’t mutually exclusive to being there ALSO because they sincerely want to daven. This group (in various incarnations) has been coming to the Kotel on Rosh Chodesh for 25 years, most of that time garnering little if any media attention, so if you want to accuse anyone of coming purely with a political agenda, you may want to speak to the protesters.

2) You can’t make rules about who's allowed to do what at the Kotel based on a person’s “motivation”. That’s not a practical criterion – in fact it borders on “thought crime” territory. Either women’s groups like this are allowed to pray at the Kotel, or they aren’t – agenda and motivation are immaterial. Besides, if we could do a “thought test” and prove that they (or a similar group) were there purely because they wanted to pray, would everyone protesting on the basis of the “agenda” suddenly offer Women of the Wall their support? If not, this isn’t a sincere objection.

3) Who says the “agenda” in question isn’t honorable in its own right? Should a women’s prayer group really be banned from davening in the women’s section of the Kotel? Do we really want to live in a society which makes it illegal for a woman to wear a Tallit or read from the Torah at the Western Wall? Granted it’s not typical Orthodox practice, but would it be so hard for people to be just a little inclusive and accommodating? Is it really too much to ask? I don’t think so. Even if there is another place they can pray, is what they’re doing so beyond the pale that they can’t daven in the regular women’s section? Are we really that narrow, that rigid? I hope not.

Now, there is one issue where I do potentially differ from Women of the Wall. I’ll quote from the FAQ page on their website:

“Q: You shouldn’t make noise at the Kotel. It bothers the other worshipers.”
“A: The Kotel is not a quiet place, at a bar mitzvah, the family will yell and cheer the young boy from the parking lot and down to the Kotel. Why is this OK for Western Wall Heritage Foundation- sanctioned bar mitzvahs for a boy but when a group of women sing together in actual prayer, this is “noise”? No, this is sexism.”

True, it’s not about noise, but it's also unfair to simply attribute the problem to sexism. For many religious men, it’s a problem to pray in the presence of women singing. Now granted, the issue of “kol isha” is used as a red herring for most of the outspoken protesters, who would object to Women of the Wall even if they were totally silent. Still though, it can be argued from a sincere religious position that hearing women singing does make it difficult for some men to pray. A few thoughts on this:

1) It's not a question of whether anyone is "allowed" to sing according to the law - women have every right to sing. What we’re really talking about here is a question of sensitivity. The question is, who should be sensitive? My answer: everyone.

2) If it were me in the men’s section, and I was concerned about hearing women singing, I’d be sensitive to the women and simply move to the inside section of the Kotel. I’d sooner be the one who moved for them, rather than ask them to move for me (and I certainly wouldn’t holler at them!). I'd much rather adopt a giving approach, employ a little chivalry. To me, that's just as much of a religious/spiritual experience as the davening itself.

3) That said, if I were one of the Women of the Wall, I would also want to do whatever I could (short of packing up and leaving) to be sensitive to others – e.g. by davening toward the side of the women’s section farthest from the men’s section, or potentially by singing a bit softer if there wasn’t enough ambient noise at the Kotel and our voices were indeed carrying across the whole plaza - because I wouldn't want my prayer to impinge on the ability of others to pray. It comes down to simply trying to be a good neighbor. An analogy: There's no law against playing loud music in my house with the window open facing the neighbor – that’s true. But that doesn’t mean I necessarily want to make my neighbor miserable either. I'd try to balance the enjoyment of my music with a little awareness and sensitivity.

One more issue. There’s the question of acting for “shalom,” peace. Some people sympathize with the Women of the Wall, but they’re upset with the fact that these women continue to press the issue and turn the Kotel into a place of “strife.” The thought is that it’s better to stand down and not assert your needs – even if those needs are legitimate – rather than cause a scene every Rosh Chodesh at such a holy site. Especially when there are other spaces further down the Kotel (i.e. removed from the main plaza) that can be used without causing a stir – even if those spaces aren’t yet ideal or equal. Reactions to that:

1) If it’s truly “shalom” which is the concern, how about calling for the protesters to stand down for the sake of peace? Why only ask it of the Women of the Wall? And why possibly support the protesters? If people would simply allow the Women of the Wall to do their thing, we wouldn’t have nearly the same “scene” on our hands. Is there any question there would be far less commotion, far more peace and quiet, if it weren't for the protests? Indeed it was quiet for most of the preceding 25 years of the Women of the Wall praying there.

2) The calls for Women of the Wall to give in for the sake of peace remind me of the Orot Banot school situation in Beit Shemesh. Many people preferred to blame the lack of peace on the families who pressed the issue and “insisted” on having the school there, rather than placing the onus on those people who weren’t willing to accommodate them – i.e. the people who heckled/frightened the schoolgirls and threw garbage and feces into the school. Here too, at the Kotel, we have women being heckled, and objects – chairs, bottles, eggs, dirty diapers, etc. – thrown at them. And I hope they – like the Orot Banot families – continue to stand their ground.

3) This is not just about a group of women wanting to pray at the Western Wall. It’s really about a much larger issue – the fate of minority religious rights in the State of Israel. So even if there is an alternative prayer section they can use, and even if they do in fact move there at some point, this is still an issue we need to address as a society, and it's an issue of “shalom.” In other words, having the women move to another section might bring a temporary quiet, but it is not achieving “shalom” – it’s really sidestepping the issue.

At bottom, what I find troubling here is not the fact that minorities feel they need to press the issue and advocate for their rights – it’s the fact that more of the majority isn’t also looking out for them, supporting them, coming to their defense.

Is the only time we’re willing to speak up as Orthodox Jews when it’s our own rights and freedom which are on the line? Isn’t it a bit glaring when the lines we draw regarding democracy and freedom of religious expression happen to be just to the “left” (or even the “right”) of our own mode of practice? Are we really not concerned with the rights and desires of others? To paraphrase Hillel: If we are only for ourselves, what are we?

In short, that’s why I feel the need to speak out publicly in support of the Women of the Wall. It's a statement that I'm not only for myself. I may be Orthodox, I may be male, but the concerns, rights and happiness of others are my concerns as well. And so while I'm not sure that “OMFWOW” is an acronym that’s likely to catch on, I certainly hope the idea does.


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