(as an aside, by the above logic, why would we ever beautify any mitzvah - wouldn't it be denigrating to the essence of the mtizva as if saying it alone isn't enough? a sukka? a tallis with an atara? a Shabbos table beautifully set? silver kiddush cubs or shabbos candlesticks? and on and on and on.. but we have a concept of zeh keli v'anveihu - it is important to beautify the mitzvah)
Rav Aviner wrote a list of examples. I am not going to translate the list, but I'll summarize it briefly. They are all interesting and can raise many interesting halachic and hashkafic debates, and I will leave that to others. I will comment on a few.
1. saying Im Eshkocheich Yerushalayim. breaking the cup and putting ash on the head - yes, Im Eshkocheich no. That led to singing it, and at the third stage playing music to it and fourth stage adding more verses to what the chattan saysI am not sure what his problem is with #6 - women reading the kesuba. he goes on to say anybody, even a monkey, can do it because no action is needed, but he still seems opposed to it, though he doesn't say why. It seems, considering that along with some of the others, he is just against women participating in any way, even in ways they are halachically allowed to.
2. the minhag was always to have both fathers walk groom and both mothers to walk bride. new minhag is to have each set of parents walk their own child.
3. playing music between each bracha. can be a hefsek
4. saying divrei torah before or during the wedding blessings. this also led to women saying divrei torah
5. mentioning dead relatives being present with us even though they physically couldn't be present. there is minhag to go to cemetery before wedding and invite them to the chuppa, but mentioning them under the chuppa is new
6. women reading the kesuba. purpose of reading is just to effect a break, so anybody can do it,
7. bride saying shehechiyanu. Sure she is happy and can make a bracha on a new garment and include the wedding, but thanking God is an internal thing and not one for presentations
8. women holding the chuppa poles. There is no need to create new things and change things. Men can hold them up just fine. Even though women hold up the house, that is not connected to this.
9. bride and groom hugging publicly. kissing is definitely prohibited
10. an important person called up for sheva brachos, and his wife stands beside him to show support. That led to him and her saying the bracha together, which led to women saying the bracha alone
11. bride giving ring to groom
12. bride and groom descending to chuppa in a cage lowered from above
13. chuppa in a boat in a pool
14. a chuppa that was by the pool. The rav and the chattan started arguing about something, and the chattan pushed the rav into the pool. Then it was revealed that it was not really the rav but an actor playing the part just for fun. The rav came right after and performed the ceremony. While not specifying, I guess the new minhag here is having an acting performance.
Another noteworthy minhag is #8 - women holding the chuppa poles. It is funny how he adds that the men can do it just fine without their help. As if they are doing it to help the men, rather than having found a way to participate in some small way in the wedding ceremony (and maybe even with a desire to take advantage of the supposed segula for finding a marriage partner). Again, something that is not halachic in any way, and is not even a woman doing anything in public - speaking, singing, saying a bracha, or anything ceremonial like that, but still she can't do it.
A third minhag I would comment on is #7 - the bride saying the bracha of shehechiyanu. I have personally never seen this, but that is beside the point. His comment is that surely she is happy in the mitzva about to be performed but happiness is internal and not for public display. He left it out, but he must have meant that happiness for a woman can only be internal, as it is very common for the man to make the sheheyanu bracha on a tallis and he does not mention that as a new minhag or as an inappropriate public display of happiness.
#14 seems silly. Just because one idiot did it does not turn it into a minhag that needs to be counted in a list of common issues.
Another would be #13. he has a problem with the pool or the boat, I am not sure. I am pretty sure that prior to it being done today, over the generation plenty of people have gotten married while on boats. Though those boats were most often not in swimming pools. So he is against one person who got married in a boat i a pool. That sounds important enough to decry as a new minhag. Again, just because one idiot does something does not turn it into a minhag.
And just because people find ways to make their chuppa stand out and be unique in some way, whether by having flowers or near a pool or in a boat or in a pool or whatever, does not turn it into a minhag that needs to become a halachic discussion. If it is not against halacha (and some of the issues he raised can surely be discussed as potential halachic problems), it does not necessarily need to be considered a minhag. Many of the things we do in our daily lives, and at lifecycle events or at ceremonial events, are not halachic in nature, but they make us feel good/unique/special in some way or they provide for a meaningful experience based on the person's personal interests. If it is not against halacha, sometime sit is worth being happy that Jews are celebrating in a Jewish way.
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