nervous

I won't lie about it or beat around the bush. I am nervous.

I do not get nervous often. It is actually quite rare. But right now I am nervous. Apprehensive might even be a better word.

Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow I go up north and shecht my first cow/bull. I have done a couple of sheep, but never a cow. These things are big animals. And strong. And they can get pretty nasty.

I am not worried about the animal itself. His time will have come when he meets up with me tomorrow. That is his fate and he will be fulfilling his purpose in this world by becoming a hamburger (and steak). The shechting itself does not scare me or make me sick.

I am nervous because this is a big animal. It is expensive. If it is not kosher, no big deal. That is why we shlep up north to shecht - we have somebody there (a Druze guy) who supplies us with the cattle but our deal is that if it is not glatt, we do not take it. He will sell it to Arabs. That is even good for me - because I might then get to shecht a second cow for the same price.

The problem is if I mess up the shechita. If I mess it up and he cannot sell it to Arabs (they have some requirements for their halal meat and the basic shechita has to be good), then I have to take the loss.
And these guys are expensive.

Hopefully it will all go smoothly and we will not have any problems.