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Dec 20, 2020
a little bit of good will can go a long way
Fighting about what to name a child is not uncommon. In the Haredi community there is generally a policy to go by, if the couple is part of that community and willing to go by it - as to which parent gets naming rights for which child. But even then there are exceptions, such as in a situation where a close relative recently passed away.
At the end of the day, no matter what the original agreement or policy followed is, a bit of good will goes a long way.
When there is a divorce, there is often, perhaps too often, very little good will.
Haredim10 brings a recent case that ended up in family court in Petach Tikva. The couple is in the process of getting divorced. They have already separated and Momma gave birth to a little baby boy. Mazel tov!
Momma named the baby, she even gave him two names, and Papa realized that neither name is the name of Grandpa, his late father. According to Papa, they had had an agreement that the baby would be named for Grandpa. When born, Momma gave the baby two names, neither of them the "agreed upon" name of Grandpa.
Papa claims that Momma acted in bad faith, reneging on the agreement, and in doing so she prevented the father from actualizing his rights as guardian of the child.
Momma claimed that there was no such agreement to name Baby after Grandpa, and Papa attempting to change the name in the Ministry of Interior was unilateral without consulting her. Momma refuses to acquiesce to changing a name to satisfy Papa and claims that he is only fighting this issue just to oppose her.
The judge proposed a compromise - change the child's second name to the name of Grandpa, while the mother's original chosen name would remain the child's first name and would likely be the name used on a daily basis.
Momma refused to compromise on this.
The court brought in a social worker who supported Papa's claim to change at least the second name to Grandpa's name.
Eventually Momma agreed to change the name and requested to not be charged with court costs for this.
The court accepted the arrangement, but also charged Momma with the court costs. The judge decided that even without her agreement, the father has the right as guardian, just as the mother does.
So basically, fighting over the name of your child can get so bad that it could end up being decided by a judge. A little bit of good will can go a long way. There's really no reason to get so bitter.
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Forget good will. How about some simply yiras shomayim.
ReplyDeleteThe whole point of naming after someone is to honor that person. Making a major machlokes over it, to the point where you have to bring in a court and social workers, is the opposite of kavod ha meis.
This is similar to where two people have a chiyuv to daven from the amud. The Mishnah Berurah says it is more kavod for the deceased if you give up rather than make a machlokes. I have seen this several times. We have two chiyuvim in our tent minyan, and both act with impecccable dereckh eretz to one another, or any other chiyuv that might happen to come to shul that day. THAT is more kavod to their dear departed than fighting over the amud.