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Aug 5, 2008
Shidduch resume
Would you be interested in going out with this girl?
*Bracha Leah Stern
11 Kew Gardens
Lakewood, New Jersey
732-363-6214*
*Summary and Personal*
*Date of Birth:* 3-4-1989
*
Yichus:* Father is a yeshiva educated day trader who learns two daily sedarim in BMG; has been previously investigated by FBI for fraud but never did any jail time; big baal tzedaka who has been honored by BMG twice; mother is a retired BY teacher; youngest child with four brothers and 11 sisters all living off of the Lakewood General Fund and mechutanim from Brooklyn; other pedigree relatively clean, except for a 4th cousin, once removed who attended YU and is now a successful Ophthalmologist in Teaneck
*Parents looking for:* solid learner from Brisk or Lakewood with neither a history of college nor foreseeable parnassa plans who will sit in Kollel indefinitely; she is looking for the same; father willing to support 10 years @$75k per year, pending no stays in Otisville
*Appearance:* dark hair with standard BY hairstyle; 5'4" with dress Size
2 (Mother's size after her seventh child: Size 8
*Shadchan:* Mrs. Goldberg of Lakewood (25% commission)
*
Dating History:* has gone out a few times with no measurable success; feedback from Mrs. Goldberg points to her having the charisma of a carrot
*
Photo:* yearbook picture available if requested through Torah channels
*Education*
*
K-12:* Bais Yaakov of Lakewood
*Seminary:* BJJ
*Post-Seminary:* Online program to obtain teaching certificate from Torah Umesorah
*
Work Experience*
*1996-1998:* Counselor in several backyard camps in Brooklyn and Lakewood
*2006-2008:* Teacher's aide in BY of Lakewood *Hanhagos and Opinions Checklist* (Based on Interview with Shadchan)
*Tehillim:* completes Sefer once a week while standing in line at Jewish stores
*Mother's use of Sabbath Mode oven:* not any more
*Posek:* Rav C. Kanievsky or Rav Elyashiv if his line is busy
*Internet:* only with Torahnet filter on Tati's business computer
*Use of a community Eruv:* never (she's looking for a Brisker, remember?!)
*Indian Hair Sheitels:* only if on sale
*Seat Belt Use:* No, unless pulled over by a female Police Officer
*Hobbies:* reading Artscroll biographies, Yated, Hamodia, and Mishpacha; challah baking; asking shailos to Gedolim about her shidduch difficulties *Her Preferred Dating Venue:* Airport lounges without visible TV monitors *Boys She Would Not Date:* guys without BTEP (behind-the-ear-peyos), BT's, OTD's who have straightened out; guys whose Rabbeim believe that the Universe may be older than 5768 years old; guys who read Making of a Gadol or any of Slifkin's books
*Ideal Wedding:* Chossen and Kallah adopt demeanor combining themes of Tisha B'Av and Yom Kippur; eyes-closed Tehillim throughout ceremony; kibbudim called up in Yiddish; separate everything including parking areas; Simchas Chossen V'Kallah at 10:30 PM; no Onlysimchas posting
*Shabbos Table:* White table cloth, no plastic covers, no ground beef or plate scraping at the table
*Would be willing to live in:* Lakewood, Brooklyn, Monsey, Passaic (or Baltimore for a few years)
*Music Preferences:* Yeshiva Boys Choir; no more Lipa, Schwecky, or Carlebach
*Ideal Chesed Opportunities:* helping put out cold beer and cholent at neighborhood Shalom Zachars; assisting with mass mailings from Oorah and Kupat Hair
Related Posts
*takes loaded gun on table*
ReplyDeleteI'd blow my brains out with my beloved 1911 before even dating this chick!
What type of ring does she want? I'll get my cheque book ready...
ReplyDeletecharisma of a carrot
ReplyDeleteWould that be a supermarket carrot or a homegrown carrot?
does one have more charisma than the other???
ReplyDeleteROFL!
ReplyDeleteONLY FAIR
ReplyDeleteMaybe you have someone in mind for this girl ?
Laurie Karen Stern
11 Church Ave
5 Towns, New Yawwwk
516-363-6214
cell 91755533322
car 516222335
israel0205972563999
in college 2125551818
current boyfriends 9175558888
dad's 9175558686
moms 917565233
step dads 91755263
step moms 9174556223
step brothers 2125558888
Therapists 55562222
Summary and Personal
Date of Birth: 3-4-1989
Yichus: Father is a college educated heart doctor who learns
two minutes of artscroll in rabbi billets shul while having a coffee and checking his emails;
and has previously investigated everyone else’s wife
for fun but never
did any time; big baal tzedaka who has been honored
by UJA twice;
mother 1 is a stay at home mom; only child with four
step parents and 11
step siblings all living off of the grandfathers one time get lucky land purchase in 1956; other pedigree relatively clean, except for a
4th cousin, once
removed who attended a halacha shuir in kashrus and is now a successful
Ophthalmologist in Teaneck who eats kosher
Parents looking for: solid workaholic from back Lawrence or the upper Westside
with neither a
stint in Israel or a drop of yiras shimiam nor foreseeable minyan attendance
the girl is looking for the same and to overlook the west single girls mikva incident; her fathers are willing to forgive the boys drug abuse
Appearance: dyed blond hair with standard Stern Girl hairstyle;
5'4" with dress Size 2
(Mother's size after her seventh marriage: Size 1 bulimia is where its at
Shadchan: pizza store at 3 am Saturday night
Dating History: has gone out a few times with no
measurable success; except for 2 teflin dates and the Gardner
some feedback from Craig’s list points to her having a Long Island accent
Photo: picture available if through facebook
Education
K-12 HAFTER (Hebrew Academy For The Rich)
Seminary: King George and Jaffa
Post-Seminary: 4 pointless years (aside for the YU seforim sale) at Stern
Work Experience
1996-2008: HASC (Halachicly Acceptable Shiduch Camp)>
2008-present: SHOPPING SPREE
Hanhagos and Opinions Checklist (Based on Interview with
Shadchan)
BOYS
Mother's use of Sabbath Mode oven: of course heck she wears makeup on shabus and a has no friends who own a shatel
Posek: "what for?"
Internet: Facebook,
Use of a community Eruv: Eruv?
Indian Hair Sheitels: we dont associate with people who want to keep the womenfolk trapped in the 18th century
Seat Belt Use: my Hummer has an automatic system
Hobbies: reading Cosmo, emails, text messages,
and pregnancy tests;
HELLO SHOPPING; asking therapist about her
step family difficulties
Her Preferred Dating Venue: Airport hotels
Boys She Would Not Date: guys with BTEP
(behind-the-ear-peyos), BT's,
OTD's who have not straightened out; guys who have Rabbeim; guys who read Hebrew or with HEBREW NAMES
Ideal Wedding: Bride and Groom adopt demeanor combining
themes of 'love sweet love' and the hindi dance of ohm; eyes-closed meditate throughout
ceremony; maternity bridal gown; mixed everything including
restroom areas; kosher food until 10:30 PM when rabbi leaves ; Onlysimchas posting with half naked , kissing photos of bride and everyone with pants on
Shabbos Table: meal not to take more than 11 minutes
every word of kiddush including Gds name to be Americanized (ahdonoyy)
Would be willing to live near Daddy
Music Preferences: ONLY Fergie
Ideal Chesed Opportunities: 5$ check to Unicef
Pretty quick huh?