For some reason, instead of just fighting about the issues, when frum people fight it almost always becomes an issue of who is frummer than the other. it almost never matters what they are actually fighting about.

I remember 13 years ago, when we first moved to Bet Shemesh, we were registering our kids for schools and gans. I remember that we registered a child at a gan run by Bais Yaakov. The popular gan among the Litvishe community was the growing chain of nursery classes administered by Eitz HaDaas, but we chose to send this kid to the Bais Yaakov gan.

Nowadays, there is more freedom of choice, meaning less pressure from external forces, as things are pretty set - no single individual choice makes a big difference to any institution or to the neighborhood balance, in general. Back then, however, each school, each institution, fought for each kid, as each kid made a big difference in numbers and balance. The schools put lots of pressure on parents, such as forcing all kids in a family to go to one school, or where the family davened, and in other ways.

Anyways, so we registered our kid in Bais Yaakov gan. Shortly thereafter we received a phone call about our decision. The person who called, the head of an institution we were registering other children in, tried to convince us to send our children to Eitz HaDaas instead of Bais Yaakov. he did not threaten us or say that he would not accept our kids if we did not change our registration, but he did try to pressure us to send to Eitz HaDaas. When we weren't agreeing to make the change, he pulled out his frum argument. Don't send to Bais Yaakov because their hashkafot are different than ours, they are Hassidic rather than litvishe. It is a bad decision, you will all be messed up by sending there. I don't remember the exact words, but they made it clear that because Bais Yaakov is hassidic rather than litvishe, we were making a bad decision.

At the time I thought that was the most ridiculous thing they could argue. I responded that it was ridiculous, as Bais Yaakov schools all over the world are where frum families raise their children and there is no difference between hassidic or litvishe in that regard. Of course there are some schools that cater to a specifically hassidic, but that is not the case here, and I find it ridiculous that you would say, so i told him, that  Bais Yaakov is teaching the wrong hashkafa and is not an appropriate place where we should send our child.  As well, after nursery school, all the local girls in the system go to the Bais Yaakov day school anyway, so in gan Bais Yaakov is no good but from 1st to 8th grade it is fine?

We chose to stay with our decision and not change it due to their pressure. As a matter of fact, their pressure made us more resolute. I hate when people argue stupid things, using frum arguments that make no sense. he could have shown us how their education was better, their staff was better, their administration more efficient, or whatever. the frum argument really upset me.

it looks like nothing has changed. Bais Yaakov and Eitz HaDaas are still at it, as competitors often will be, and they are still throwing the frum argument around. I dont know why frum people, frum organizations, cannot just accept that other people are equally frum, and decisions should be made based on the issues.

Bechadrei is reporting on an argument between, that's right, Bais Yaakov and Eitz HaDaas, and in the end it comes down to the frum argument.

In Jerusalem there was a lot of confusion around the afternoon day care programs. In Bet Shemesh as well, and the issues are still ongoing, but back to the story. A number of schools chose not to open the day care centers this year. They claim not enough children registered, though I think it has more to do with budgetary issues - the Ministry of Education changed how the afternoon day care system works, and how the subsidies are given, and there is a lot of unclarity. Schools are worried the care will be too expensive and parents wont pay, parents dont know if they will qualify under the new rules and if the day care will therefore be too expensive and worthwhile.

So, some schools are just not bothering to open the afternoon day care programs. That eaves some parents in a bind, as they must work or be otherwise engaged in the afternoons and have to find a program for the younger kids that get out early. Some parents, in this story, chose to cross-institutionalize their kids - meaning even if they send to Bais Yaakov schools, they tried to register the kids in Eitz Hadaas afternoon programs, or vice versa, as relevant.

It turns out that Eitz haDaas rejected the applications of kids who were coming from Bais Yaakov morning programs. The excuse from Eitz HaDaas management was that "Eitz haDaas cannot accept children from other institutions, especially not from Bais Yaakov as those children ruin the other girls."

If they had just said the first half of the statement, it would be understadable, if not nice. So they dont want to deal with kids from other institutions, if they accept from this, they have to accept from the other, etc. It would be not nice, but understandable enough. Adding the second half of the excuse, saying Bais Yaakov girls ruin the Eitz haDaas kids, as is Bais yaakov girls are all bummy and on the way to being off the derech, was just too much.

Funnily enough, some of the parents from bais Yaakov chose to move their kids over to Eitz haDaas schools just because of the afternoon day care issue. These parents were surprised to discover, so they said to Bechadrei, that the afternoon Eitz haDaas programs were mixed programs with both boys and girls. How dare they tell us such hypocrisy that bais Yaakov is not frum enough, when they are running programs that are mixed-gender.

So the issues are actually irrelevant, it is just a matter of who screams louder the claim to be frummer.

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