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Mar 20, 2020

personal CoronaVirus thoughts

Besides for the medical issues, which are obviously the most important right now, this is really going to be a disaster for a lot of people very quickly in a financial sense. People are losing their jobs, companies are freezing operations and sending employees on unpaid vacation, companies are shutting down, clients of freelancers are curtailing operations leaving freelances with fewer clients if at all - so many people are suffering immediately and it is getting worse in the short term. I don't know how we are going to deal with this crisis in the near future.

Calls for increased tzedaka because of all the people suffering are important. But personally I am worried and hesitant to increase my tzedaka. Just the opposite. My clients are suffering, some are already not functioning at all. I cant go out and make calls to my clients, though some work I can still do remotely. I am not sure how I can be galvanized to give more to this one or that one who is in trouble when I see my own income suddenly dropping drastically, and not sure how the future will look. AN dit is not just me. We are putting out calls to help this one or that one who lost a job, who was sent on unpaid vacation or whoever, but so many of the people we are appealing to are also struggling or are worried they soon might be. I am not saying do not give tzedaka, and I am not saying we shouldn't appeal for tzedaka. Everybody should do what they feel is the right thing to do, but it is concerning to me, and I feel bad about it.

I am not the most pedantic about minyanim and not the biggest fan of davening. I go to shul, but sometimes I daven at home if it doesnt work out. I am not one of the guys who will do everything possible and even impossible to make sure I find a minyan wherever I am. I also generally look for fast minyanim when possible. Now that I can't go to shul, because I consider it unsafe, I am suddenly missing it a bit. I feel bad that so much tefilla btzibur is being cancelled and is unavailable, even if there are still a few minyanim taking place with some people who are insisting on it. I wonder if I will come out of this with more of an appreciation for shul.

With fewer and fewer activities being available to us and being required to stay at home except for the most urgent of needs, more and more people will find their way to get out in going to the supermarket - even if just to see people and to get out and do something. The supermarket is now one of the last places we are still allowed to be going to. I don't know if people will be buying more (though they probably will be), but the stores might be busier, more crowded, and more dangerous for spreading the CoronaVirus.

Not having a good schedule while not having much to do is getting difficult. So far most of my activities have been curtailed over the past few days, and that leaves me spending too much time wandering around the house in tshirt and shorts, eating nosh, not exercising, and looking for excuses to go out to take care of "essential needs". Yes, I am learning with my son a bit, and helping kids with their school work, but that is a small portion of a mostly very dull day. For somebody who was always very much set in some sort of routine, even if not particularly rigid, the current situation is unsettling. Yes, I know I can get myself into a routine even when cooped up, and I will try to, that will include exercise, children, fresh air, learning, reading, and wasting time on the Internet and social media - I have to be conscientious about it.

Having kids home all day instead of in school - besides for the noise and fighting and fun of us all hanging out together, they are eating us out of house and home! They are always hungry! This is insane! And they are not even all teenagers!



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