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Mar 5, 2014
yeshiva student breaks rule, no friends dance at his wedding
Kikar is reporting on a story of a yeshiva bochur who just got married, but because he was breaking the yeshiva's rule of what the acceptable minimum age for marriage is, the rosh yeshiva did not allow the other students to attend the wedding.
The yeshiva says boys can get married only from age 22. This boy was 21 and decided to get married anyway. The yeshiva threatened everyone else that whoever participates in the wedding would be tossed from the yeshiva.
It seems the rosh yeshiva doesn't agree with the recent decision of the rabbonim in the USA who have called for boys to get married at 21 as a solution to the shidduch crisis.. not that he has to...
While it seems ridiculous to punish a student who has been in the yeshiva for 3 years in such a manner, not allowing his friends to attend his wedding, it is not the first time such threats have been used to promote yeshiva policy. The same way taxation and public policy is used to engineer social change and promote priorities of the government and society, yeshivas make these sorts of rules as well.
I know of a yeshiva (from a cousin who married a boy from that yeshiva) in which the rosh yeshiva allowed its students to only get married in certain months of the year and only on certain days within those months. Anybody who got married outside of the acceptable date - would be out of the yeshiva and his friends would not be allowed to attend. The rosh yeshiva didnt want weddings to be at any given time disrupting the schedule of the learning in the yeshiva.
This rosh yeshiva, in the story above, is doing the same. He wants boys until a certain age worried about learning and not about dating. I feel bad for the boy, but he knew the rules and decided to break them. Sometimes you get away with it, and sometimes you don't.
The yeshiva says boys can get married only from age 22. This boy was 21 and decided to get married anyway. The yeshiva threatened everyone else that whoever participates in the wedding would be tossed from the yeshiva.
It seems the rosh yeshiva doesn't agree with the recent decision of the rabbonim in the USA who have called for boys to get married at 21 as a solution to the shidduch crisis.. not that he has to...
While it seems ridiculous to punish a student who has been in the yeshiva for 3 years in such a manner, not allowing his friends to attend his wedding, it is not the first time such threats have been used to promote yeshiva policy. The same way taxation and public policy is used to engineer social change and promote priorities of the government and society, yeshivas make these sorts of rules as well.
I know of a yeshiva (from a cousin who married a boy from that yeshiva) in which the rosh yeshiva allowed its students to only get married in certain months of the year and only on certain days within those months. Anybody who got married outside of the acceptable date - would be out of the yeshiva and his friends would not be allowed to attend. The rosh yeshiva didnt want weddings to be at any given time disrupting the schedule of the learning in the yeshiva.
This rosh yeshiva, in the story above, is doing the same. He wants boys until a certain age worried about learning and not about dating. I feel bad for the boy, but he knew the rules and decided to break them. Sometimes you get away with it, and sometimes you don't.
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Labels:
Rosh Yeshivas,
wedding
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"Certain DAYS within those months?" That is very hard to believe, for obvious halachic problems.
ReplyDeleteits the truth. it was a few years ago I became aware of it, so I dont remember the specific details - but they had to choose from a very limited number of days available. there couldnt be more than two weddings a week in the yeshiva, and they could only get married in certain months and within certain date ranges.
ReplyDeleteyes it's true that rules are rules and they have consequences.
ReplyDeletebut you gloss over the fact that these rules are not organic creations on their own - this rabbi made the rule, he has the ability to adapt on a case by case basis. He made the choice not to adjust.
was that the right choice?
All this story tells us is that the boy's father is not a major donor to the yeshiva he attends.
ReplyDeleteI understand the rule in this story. They want the guys to reach a certain level of maturity and learning. You could disagree, but there is sense to it. The rule you heard from your cousin is just Krum and controlling. There are so many problems with it both halachically and morally, it is beyond belief.
ReplyDeleteAnd they live happy with a little kinderlach happy and full of simchas chaim forever. If all his friends were going to the weddding, would the rosh yeshivsh throw them out really? Meaning that the rosh yeshivah would have no more bachurim in his yeshivah, so no more yeshivah.
ReplyDeleteThis is the kind of thing that could drive people away from not only the yeshiva, but Judaism in general. Yes, rules are rules, but is it just an arbitrary interpretation of halacha? This story makes no sense, but unfortunately where people devise all kinds of strictures, we are already paying the price for this foolishness.
ReplyDeleteThis is obviously all about control.
ReplyDelete