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Oct 25, 2012

The Rabbi's Daughter (video)

The following video offers a fascinating look at the relationship between three Dati Leumi rabbonim and their relationships with their daughters who have gone "off the derech". I am not familiar with two out of three of the rabbonim profiled, but the one I am familiar with is Rav Shlomo Aviner, who is definitely a major force in the rabbinic world of the Dati Leumi community, even perhaps one of the gedolim. The video shows them from a very human perspective.

The Rabbi's Daughter from בית ספר מעלה on Vimeo.

By the very nature of their agreeing to be a part of this video project they have shown themselves to be, at least somewhat, accepting of their daughters as they are, without bitterness towards the decision to follow a different path. I am sure they all went through difficult periods, as does every parent whose child chooses a different path from what the parent had hoped and expected of them, but the acceptance and the beauty of the continued relationship, to the point of being so open about it on camera, struck me in particular.

There were some moments in the video that stood out to me. The main one being where the daughter spoke about how maybe by being respectful and accomodating they are sending mixed messages to their parents, giving them "hope" for the future that they might "return", and perhaps that is the wrong way for them to behave and maybe they shouldn't be so respectful. My wife noticed that the daughters profiled were all artistic, and perhaps their artistic nature had something to do with them being the exceptions in the family, willing to be different.

It is a fascinating look at a relationship that too many people suffer through, and at times you see a glimmer that they are still struggling, from both sides, with what is happening and the decisions being made.

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  1. tamar aviner doesn't talk to her father???? about god or torah???

  2. I dont know what they talk about, but it looked to me like they have a pretty good relationship...

  3. this is now. we don't know from the video what is was like say 5 years ago. now that she has this "chain" off her and doesn't need to pretend to her father, the whole relationship could have changed.

  4. could be. these relationships, like all, go through stages.

  5. Not all children off the derech are artistic or exceptionally smart, reflective, or sensitive. I know Masori and Modern orthodox parents troubled when their kids go off the derech and become haredi. They are just human seeking their own path in life. Kol Hakavod to the parents who keep open communication with their children. It hurts for a parent to see a child rejecting the values and traditions they were raised with, but we do our best because love is unconditional. Like Rafi writes, life is fluid. Parents and children go thru stages, experiment, test, push the envelope, adjust to new conditions. What is today is not tomorrow. This is a wonderful snapshot in time, a video for every parent and parent to be.


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