May 14, 2009

The groom's costly misstep

I just read (offline) a story of a chassan who is suing the wedding hall for his own misstep.
Ever been to a wedding where the chassan tries to step on the glass to break it, but just can't do it? Maybe the glass is too thick, or it rolls around and he cannot get a good angle, so he keeps trying... This chassan tried to smash the glass, but it didn't work. So he tried again, harder, and he caused a piece of glass to go up through his shoe into his foot, forcing him to get some medical attention - he had to disappear for two hours to go to a MAD"A station.

The guy is suing the wedding hall for 65,000NIS for injuries sustained during the chuppa while ehe was trying to break the glass.

The management of the hall claim that the chassan was dressed inappropriately for breaking the glass - he was wearing cloth shoes with a soft heel. They claim that his stepping on the glass, especially dressed in shoes the way he was, was by his own choice putting himself in danger.

The judge ruled in favor of the wedding hall. He said that the chassan failed to bring witnesses and experts showing that the glass was made of materials making it difficult to break. As well, because it was a "two-glass" ceremony, i.e. the bride also broke a glass and she did so with no problem on the first try, clearly it was his own problem and not the hall providing him with an unbreakable glass.

Personally I never have seen or heard of a "two-glass ceremony" with the kallah also breaking a glass. Not that there is anything wrong with it - I see no problem, just I never saw or heard of it being done.


  1. Another (new?) wedding custom that I saw for the first time a few nights ago: after the yichud room, the callah came out wearing a mitpachat (tichel) -- her hair had been uncovered during bedeken and chuppah.

    Anyone seen this before?

  2. Tamar - It's not really new. It's the non-sheitel-wearing crowd's equivalent of a kallah who wears a sheitel at her wedding...
    (Some people hold that she needs to cover her hair after the chuppah/yichud, but most hold that she can wait until the next morning.)

  3. Not new at all; I've been to Yerushalmi weddings where they do that; Sephardi weddings where they do it; and even Ashkenazi weddings where she came out in a sheitel, having had her hair uncovered for the chuppah

  4. Mrs. S. -- I've been to weddings where the kallah has worn a sheitel for the whole affair, but this is the first time I've seen a callah change from pre-yichud room to post.
    Have you ever seen a callah make that change?

    Shalom: you make it sound quite common. Is it really de rigeur?

    One more question: it would seem that this minhag is quite proper considering that she's a married woman after kiddushin under chuppah; anyone know why a callah is allowed to spend the rest of the evening with her hair uncovered?
    thanks in advance for any insights.

  5. I have heard something about until she leaves the wedding hall, she has no obligation to cover her hair, according to those who are noheig like that. Something to do with changing reshus. Don't remember offhand, but it was something like that.

  6. Tamar - Yes, I have seen kallot change into mitpachot or even snood-like things after the chuppah. Theoretically, those who wear shaitels at their weddings could also wait to change until after the chuppah/yichud, but it's probably easier and more convenient to just put on the shaitel in advance.

    And, as I noted above, the reason most kallot don't cover their hair during the dancing is that most people hold that the chiyuv of kisui rosh doesn't start until the morning after the wedding.

    (Rafi - I hope you don't mind that we sort of hijacked your comment section...)

  7. Mrs. S said:
    "most people hold that the chiyuv of kisui rosh doesn't start until the morning after the wedding"

    why? what's the logic?

  8. Rafi -- according to that reasoning, then if the chuppah were held in one venue and the reception in another (as is quite common in frum weddings in England and Australia, so I'm told), then the kallah would have to cover her hair for the reception. But that's not the case in practice in those circumstances (so my british friends tell me...)

  9. Personally I never have seen or heard of a "two-glass ceremony" with the kallah also breaking a glass. Not that there is anything wrong with it - I see no problemPosted by Rafi G.
    It's Zecher L'Churban. Maybe the whole crowd should all break glasses? Maybe the Mesader Kidushin, since he's running the show?

    Apparently, for today's modern feminist Jewish women, the hubby isn't good enough. It's not fair! It's not egalitarian!

    Ishto lo Ke'gufo, from moment one.
    A marriage starting off on a left foot. And now I bet the southpaws will commence to attack me as well.

  10. according to many opinions the "rationale" behind the mitzvah of kisui rosh in general is as a "Siman Nissuin" (symbol of marriage). i.e. if one sees a woman with her hair covered, he now knows that she's "off limits". some poskim take it to the next level and allow women to not cover their hair in their own home, based on the assumption that people who walk into her home will KNOW that she is married.

    that said, the veil is often used as a "siman nissuin" often being compared to the chuppah itself. surely no one can mistake the bride (even without the veil) for an available single woman. nonetheless, we received the psak that the veil must be left on during the dancing/meal as a one-time replacement for kisui rosh (of course not abiding by the size requirements of "tefach b'isha erva"). hope that's helpful.

  11. hubs - your wife wore the veil the whole wedding? over her face? she flipped it back over her head/hair?

  12. not over her face, but flipped back attached to her hair.


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