May 5, 2011
Interesting Psak from rav Chaim Kanievsky: Fighting Over the Afikomen
Can you imagine fighting over the afikomen, who found it, who deserves the prize, who worked harder to find it, etc.? Of course you can! It happens in just about every household that has more than one child. But can you imagine suing your sibling over the afikomen present? taking him to beis din to fight over it? going to one of the gedolei ha'dor for a psak as to who deserves it?
Bechadrei is reporting on the incident of a father coming to rav Chaim Kanievsky with an interesting question. He said that at the seder in their house the younger child succeeded in "stealing the afikomen". Unfortunately for him, he fell asleep before it was time to return it to the father. The older brother went and took it and claimed the afikomen prize. The question is which son deserves the prize.
Now, I think, most people would probably just give both kids a prize as a resolution, as long as the prize would not be too expensive. This fellow decided to waste the time of the gadol ha'dor with the question, rather than take it to his local rav. This reminds me of something Rabbi Dovid Landesman wrote in his two books of Jewish essays "There Are No Basketball Courts In Heaven" and "Food For Thought: No Hechsher Required" that many people are going to need to answer in heaven for the amount of time they wasted of the gedolim, taking them away from their learning, to ask questions that could have just as well been asked of regular rabbonim, or resolved on their own.
Rav Chaim responded with an interesting psak. he said that it does not matter that the younger son stole it. It was the older son who returned it, and that is who gets the prize.
Parenthetically, Rav Chaim added, that he opposes the practice of stealing the afikomen and considers it inappropriate. he said it teaches the children to steal. He said that his uncle the Chazon Ish and his father, the Steipler, were both opposed to this custom as well. Growing up, we never stole the afikomen. What we did in our family was by Yachatz my father would break the matza in half and then go hide it. We later had to look for it and whoever found it returned it to him. My kids on the other hand steal it, because that is what the more common custom is in Israel and that is how they think it needs to be done. I always forget, until it is too late, to warn them in advance that I want to hide it. Maybe having read this psak of Rav Chaim it will help me remember in the future.
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| the matza is split, do the kids have to be? |
Now, I think, most people would probably just give both kids a prize as a resolution, as long as the prize would not be too expensive. This fellow decided to waste the time of the gadol ha'dor with the question, rather than take it to his local rav. This reminds me of something Rabbi Dovid Landesman wrote in his two books of Jewish essays "There Are No Basketball Courts In Heaven" and "Food For Thought: No Hechsher Required" that many people are going to need to answer in heaven for the amount of time they wasted of the gedolim, taking them away from their learning, to ask questions that could have just as well been asked of regular rabbonim, or resolved on their own.
Rav Chaim responded with an interesting psak. he said that it does not matter that the younger son stole it. It was the older son who returned it, and that is who gets the prize.
Parenthetically, Rav Chaim added, that he opposes the practice of stealing the afikomen and considers it inappropriate. he said it teaches the children to steal. He said that his uncle the Chazon Ish and his father, the Steipler, were both opposed to this custom as well. Growing up, we never stole the afikomen. What we did in our family was by Yachatz my father would break the matza in half and then go hide it. We later had to look for it and whoever found it returned it to him. My kids on the other hand steal it, because that is what the more common custom is in Israel and that is how they think it needs to be done. I always forget, until it is too late, to warn them in advance that I want to hide it. Maybe having read this psak of Rav Chaim it will help me remember in the future.
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I locked up the afikomen, and the kids tore apart the house trying to find it :-). I'm against the 'stealing' also, so I was trying to make a point. Needless to say, they were quite upset that they couldn't find it :-)
ReplyDeleteThat is an interesting perspective, 'wasting the gadol's time'. To the best of my knowledge, greats like Rav Henkin and Rav Moshe Feinstein were always available to the locals and their simpler questions. I can tell you that Rav Mordechai E;liyahu certainly was. From the first time I had a halachic question in yeshiva (around '78) that was just a little bit tough, I was told to go to him. People from all over the neighborhood came to him every day, with every manner of question. And that was true with others. Rav Haim David Halevi, Chief Rabbi of Tel Aviv, had a radio show to make himself accessible. I seem to recall that Rav Ovadiah Yosef did, too.
ReplyDeleteEven Moshe Rabbeinu made himself available that way, until Yitro taught him a more effective way. But we see no indication that people were 'wasting his time'. Other than the need for time and task management, I think the model of availability is the more prevalent one in our tradition.
good point. I think in Rabbi Landesman's books he used the wasting time issue with regard to the narishkeit they put him through. meaning, he was not "complaining" that people waste the time of the gedolim by asking simple shailohs. Rather that they waste the time of the gedolim by encouraging them to promote stupid public policy that is in the interest decided by the specific askan.
ReplyDeleteI misconstrued it here. You are right, a shailoh is not wasting the gadol's time, no matter how simple it is.
Mike does the hiding instead of letting the kid steal. I see his point but I am still trying to get used to it.
ReplyDeleteI hide it too. I do not like the term "stealing it"
ReplyDeleteI still oppose wasting the time of a gadol for this kind of question. First, we should learn from Yisro and take our shailos to our personal rav. L'havdil, you don't go to the Supreme Court for a traffic ticket. In fact, I would never go to any gadol for a halachic question. I would always go to my personal rav. Why? Because a p'sak halacha very much depends on the individual's circumstances. My rav (should) knows me and my situation and can render an opinion that's appropriate for me. He may answer differently to another person who asks the same question. A gadol doesn't know me or my situation at all, how can he pasken for me? Now if my personal rav has difficulty with my question and HE wants to take my question higher up the chain of command, that's fine.
ReplyDeleteEven if you say a gadol should make himself available no matter how simple the question, that's a nice principle for HIM to live by. But WE shouldn't abuse that. We need to be considerate of his time, as well as that of all the other people waiting in line to ask him serious questions. Especially when a simple question can be answered by a local rav.
And certainly not for naarishkeit like this afikomen question, which brings me to my biggest gripe about this story. Is this really a halachic shailah? An afikomen present has become a shailah in dinei mamanus? Puhleeze. He had to go to a gadol for that? Think for yourself. Get them both something and move on, man!
Our custom is to give each child that did not steal the afikoman a prize for honesty, a custom that has been practised in our community for ages.
ReplyDelete