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Nov 29, 2022

Interesting Psak: dont take the job

A question was posed to Rav Yehuda HaLevi Amichai, a rav in Kiryat Arba and a dayan on the conversion court of the Rabbanut, about parnassa and cheating, but not cheating like on a test.

The question posed, as reported by Kipa, was, by a husband presenting a situation in which he and his wife (married ten years, with 4 children), had a marital crisis some years ago. During that period of time she met someone at work she had a romance with that lasted for about a year. He had discovered it at the time and they put an end to the romance. Husband and Wife went to a therapist and their marriage is in a much better place now.

She left that job but recently was offered a better position in that same company, a job and position she always had dreamed of that would be a nice step in her career. She currently is working in a job somewhere else that she is not happy with and has been looking to leave, and now an offer for her dream job has come along. The problem is her former lover still works at that company. Husband says this is a red line but she is considering it as from a professional perspective this is exactly what she has been looking for for several years already, and she assuages his concerns saying their marriage is good now so there is nothing to be concerned about with the former romance.

Husband asks what to do as he doesn't want to put his marriage to the test in that situation, and it would possibly be like putting a stumbling block before a blind person.

Rav Amichai responded saying that a nazir is warned to not go near a vineyard, lest he give in to temptation. Someone who has already stumbled in the issue of "arayos" needs to stay away from that "vineyard", lest he stumble again.

So, Rav Amicha said, even though you now have a good marital relationship, there are no guarantees or guardians regarding arayos, so she should not go back to that same place. The decision has to be made jointly, and maybe upon consultation with the therapist they are seeing, but it would be a shame to ruin everything they have been working on and throw it all out just for a job or some additional parnassa. Better to live a happy serene life in a hovel rather than cause strife between spouses.

Considering the laws of these matters, he is lucky the rabbi didnt tell him they have to get divorced....

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  1. interesting trade off for the rambam's definition of true tshuva

  2. Not sure the Rambam would obligate a person to place him/herself in the same position to effect his definition of the highest level of teshuva.
    This is perhaps most appropriate in this case , as therpaists seem fairly clear about the propensity of an errant partner to repeat his/her behaviour in the course of the marriage. This likelihood actually increases if it involves the original lover.
    common sense

  3. How does such a psak become public?

  4. Something is missing here. What is the world is the heter for a married woman who had a consensual affair to remain married?

    1. the only hetter I can think of is that they didnt ask that question to any rabbi, so no rabbi made them get divorced...


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