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Jul 29, 2019

yeshiva bochur demands woman on bus move to the back and then can't get a shidduch date

Kikar has the story of a 28 year old chassidishe bachur who has been having trouble finding his soulmate. This fellow has been "in shidduchim" for 8 years now but has yet to find success, and says he hardly even gets shidduch recommendations, despite being what he describes as a "normal bachur".

Not only that but he says that he and an entire group of friends are all in the same boat. The entire group of them have been trying for a long time and are all suffering the same difficulties.

Mr Single, Naftali, has a theory. Naftali recalls an incident from 8 years prior in which he was going on a Friday from yeshiva in Bnei Braq to his family in Haifa for Shabbos. His friends were going with him to spend Shabbos with his family. Naftali describes that a woman was sitting in the front section of the bus, behind the driver. he describes her as a 40-something woman.

Naftali says they didn't really have anything to do so they started picking on her and bothering her to move to the back of the bus. They said we are yeshiva bochurim and it is inappropriate for you to sit here in the front. She didn't move her seat and they bothered her the entire ride, taking pictures of her, threatening her to put out pashkevilim about her, etc. He says that she ignored them most of the time and when they got off the bus she started crying.

Naftali says he never saw her again, but since then he and his entire group of friends have had trouble with shidduchim. When he tries to figure out why, this incident always comes to mind. He is concerned this woman might have a "kpeida" on him and his friends and that is causing their difficulties.

He thinks, or so he was told, that the women was a teacher in the "Rapaport" school in Jerusalem, though he is not sure. Either way, he asked that anybody who can help him locate the woman should please call him at 052-706-0840. He wants to apologize for his behavior.

What a story!

I have said before that possibly the worst part about the fights regarding the army draft and the Peleg and whatnot is that young men suddenly feel they can attack, verbally or even physically, older men, rabbonim as well, because they have a different opinion. Even forgetting the fact that this is a woman they harassed demanding she sit in the back of the bus, here you had a group of 20 year olds who felt perfectly fine harassing a woman twice their age. Such tremendous chutzpa.

Besides for that, the other issues are well known, and while it is a shame he only feels the need to apologize because he cant get a date and assumes it is this story in his past that is preventing it, but at least he is trying to apologize. Perhaps that story and how bad he feels because of what he did, will be what causes him to treat people, women and men, with more respect. Also, maybe just like he treated that woman so poorly and disrespectfully, maybe he has a reputation for bad behavior and treating others poorly and disrespectfully. Maybe the issue is bigger than this one incident. Maybe his difficulty is because of a reputation he has developed for himself that others are aware of and stay away from him because he is not a good person (at least by reputation).

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  1. All the incident did was reveal what type of person he was.
    That hasn't changed, as he thinks the issue is her kepeida, rather than his own personality.
    Too bad that he attributes his troubles to magic, rather than consider how unpleasant it would be to live with a person like him.

    1. Excellent comments, Sholom! Thank you.

    2. sholom,
      kepeida is magic? how do you define magic?

    3. Anonymous,
      Not that I want to get into semantics and ignore the major point (which was that the issue was who he is as a person), but how would YOU understand kepeida -- and where does the concept appear in Chazal? (At least, in terms of how it is understood by this bochur?)

    4. To be specific, where in Chazal do we see a source for kapeida being the reason why someone has not found a shidduch?

    5. superstition? maybe it is a blow to his self-confidence, so even if kepeida is actually nothing his performance is damaged because his self-worth is low? I don't really know.

  2. should such a person sire children ?


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