Nov 26, 2009

Shidduch technology in Lakewood (video)

In Lakewood they are full of technological advances. Now they have devised a new venue for shidduch dating using technology.

This whole thing makes no sense to me. Aside from the general stupidity of arranging for people to meet like this, except in cases where girls and boys are in different cities and don't know whether to travel or not for a date, I thought in Lakewood, and other communities this is obviously going to be targeting, people are not meant to be using Internet? Do they get this set up in their homes when a date is arranged or do they have to go to a center? If they have to go to some office, then this system will only be usable in a few areas by few people - or will they set up an office in every city in the world with a Jewish community?

The best thing about it is that now people will be able to go out on dates, feeling formal, but without the actual formality. They can wear the top of their suits - jacket shirt and tie, but sit in their shorts, pajamas, or even underwear for comfort!


  1. wait a sec. ain't the internet the 'mekor ha'tum'as'?

    I would want to get my spouse from no makor haTuma/kefira.

    will the Israeli Hadrim condemn All those Rabbis who support this?

  2. correction:

    I would NOT want to get my spouse from no makor haTuma/kefira.

  3. actually the single negative is more grammatically correct.

    but good grammar is probably less important than no internet.

  4. They specifically mention that their system is not connected to the internet -Glatt Kosher

  5. So a communication protocol and network wiring now has a kosher or non-kosher status? What if the private network they're on shares the same physical links as the public internet or passes through the same routers or hubs, is there an inyan of mixing if the data packets pass through the same pot (ah, router)?

  6. and dont forget, they have to make appointments and check status, which sounds like it is done via internet

  7. I am in favour of using technology to make lives easier. If can help in the shiduching world especially to minimize costs on long distance relationships than great.

    I do have a problem with how it is being 'sold'. This is not some fancy new invention but a practical application of video conferencing calling technology. There was an experiment done recently that found people did not know the difference between the internet and an internet browser. The guys selling this technology should know better unless they simply asked the 'experts' in Shabbos elevators.

    Special permission from a Rav is required for someone to be able to own this technology. How can they trust two single people to be able to see each other without any kind of supervision?

    On the other hand if this technology becomes widley accepted there is plenty of room for new chumras. As the Chattan and Kallah have fulfilled the obligation of seeing each other it eliminates the need to be in the same room together before Chuppah. The possibilties are endless as long as they don't end up becoming like this guy

  8. They're 90% there. All that's left it to use IVF for fulfilling pru u'rvu, and couples will never have to be in the same room, even after they're married.

  9. they specifically say in the video they are using it to connect to out of town - chicago, baltimore, and if they get more $, they will add more cities. so not a bad idea - lakewood to chicago is more of a pain than getting from jerusalem to bnei brak....

  10. They're actually perpetuating the "shidduch crisis". By setting the bar even higher, singles are going to have a hard time finding parents willing to entertain the idea of their kids marrying them. ("How can I let my daughter marry that boy? His older brother met his wife in person on the first date!")

  11. A few things bother me here...

    1) It is 100% possible to use Skype over the internet on a computer that cannot browse the web. Uninstall the browser or put a port filter on the router to allow inbound/outbound on the Skype port only. 10 minutes of work would save $11,000 per year for each site. (But then maybe the yeshiva guy and bais yaakov girl would realize that they could Skype with each other outside of the "shidduch studio" from their secretly-internet-connected home computers, which I think is a great idea but the Lakewood folks would probably disagree).

    2) The speaker in the video is very proud that this is "100% tahor", since the audio/video does not go over the internet. I hope the guy realizes that many people's home phones route their calls over the internet (especially the low-priced calling cards for them to talk to their kids in Israel).

    3) The speaker also makes clear that they confiscate the video conferencing remote to prevent either person from using the zoom feature to see what the other person actually looks like if they were sitting 3 feet across from each other on a real date. Sheesh.

    I still believe that the solution to the shidduch crisis is to have a "kosher" social environment where marriage-minded frum singles can meet (i.e. all families should invite single men and women to their Shabbos table). They will gain the social skills needed to be comfortable in the presence of the opposite sex, and might just meet the "right person". But, alas, I am a radical living in the Charedi world (although not in Lakewood).

  12. Borsalino,

    Re your #2, I think the speaker is using the common term "internet" (a system of networks and the protocols used to connect them) instead of "world wide web", which is a bunch of web pages and other similar content connected via the internet. He specifically makes reference to a "www page". So his technical jargon is not up to speed. But I think you know what he means.

    That aside, I agree with your general point. This is nuts.

    (When he said that the gedolim gave the haskamot, does that mean that there is nothing wrong with this, or that the traditional way is now pasul? If a gadol gives a haskama on a new parsha sefer, does that mean that Rashi is now unnecessary?)


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